dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
