belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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