i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
