you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
