yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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