since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
