I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Randomize
