sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
