drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
