whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
