I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
