I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
