her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
