I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
