so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
