just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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