Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
