I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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