thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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