His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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