Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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