come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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