he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
