theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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