I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
