he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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