Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
