Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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