even my farts smell like vagina
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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