Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When are your genitals available?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
