Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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