did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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