Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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