At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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