Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The adults are the big ones right?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
