ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
