He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Verdict: uncircumcised.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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