They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
