I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just blew my weed a kiss
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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