if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
