No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
