What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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