No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
