but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
