Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
