Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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