so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
