you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
