i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
