Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
