why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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