Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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