Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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